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Most of us have a reasonable idea of what contributes to good physical and mental health: Eat a well-balanced diet. Exercise regularly. Get good sleep. Practice gratitude and positivity. Engage in activities that bring joy and fulfillment.
But understanding of robust social health is less clear. What exactly are the signs of good social health? It’s been said that when “I” is replaced by “We,” even “illness” becomes “wellness.”
Good relationships are clearly among the keys to good social health. Unfortunately, a lot of people are missing out. Around half of adults in the U.S. feel that no one knows them well. Worldwide, only 20% of adults say they have a single person to count on for help.
Kasley Killam is making it her life’s work to address this issue. A Harvard-trained social scientist, Killam is recognized as a leader in the advancement and understanding of social health. She collaborates with organizations as disparate as Google and the World Economic Forum to promote more socially healthful products, workplaces, and communities. She’s the author of The Art and Science of Connection: Why Social Health is the Missing Key to Living Longer, Healthier, and Happier.
Killam says the first sign of good social health is having the right quantity and quality of connection. Another sign is engaging with diverse social ties: diverse in terms of the range of people you socialize with and draw support from—including your family, friends, coworkers, and communities. But also, she says, diverse in terms of their identities and interests, because research shows that it’s beneficial to connect across ages, cultures, and backgrounds.
Kasley Killam
How does social health affect physical and mental health—and vice versa?
“Physical, mental, and social health are interconnected,” Killam says. “People who maintain close relationships, feel supported, and interact regularly have a lower risk of depression, dementia, stroke, and mortality, for instance. This shows that social health supports physical and mental health, in addition to being valuable on its own. It’s important to think of social health as distinct because most people underestimate the benefits of connection and because the actions you take to strengthen it differ.”
With so much research data available on physical and mental health, why has social health been relatively ignored?
Killam says the way we understand health evolves over time. “Only relatively recently did mental health shift from taboo and niche to a mainstream topic in news headlines and dinner table conversations,” she says. “Largely catalyzed by the pandemic and growing recognition of loneliness as a public health problem, the natural next shift in our collective understanding is to see health as not only physical and mental but also social.”
In what ways can people evaluate their own social health?
Killam says a big part of her motivation for writing her book was to demystify social health and help make connection as concrete and actionable as exercise or nutrition.
“To start, take stock of who you interact with regularly and which people and communities matter most to you,” she suggests. “Then, evaluate the strength of those connections by considering how mutual and meaningful they feel. Third, identify any gaps in the quantity or quality of connection in your life—those are opportunities to improve your social health going forward.”
What are the warning signs that a person’s social health is in the danger zone?
“The most obvious warning signs are if you feel isolated, lonely, or like something is missing in your social life,” Killam says. “Maybe you don’t have as many friends as you’d like, wish you spent more time with family, or hope to connect more deeply with people. But it’s not just disconnection that’s important to look out for: feeling overly connected in unfulfilling ways can be detrimental to your social health, too. For instance, perhaps too much of your interaction takes place on social media or over technology, or maybe you don’t have enough alone time to connect with yourself.”
Even if they tend toward introversion, how can people proactively strengthen their social muscles by enhancing their connection with others?
Drawing an analogy to strengthening your physical muscles, Killam says there are four overall approaches to optimizing your social health.
“If the quantity of connection in your life is low, stretch your social muscles by making new friends or joining new groups,” she says. “If the quantity of connection in your life is high, rest your social muscles by maintaining or reducing how much you socialize. If the quality of connection in your life is low, tone your social muscles by deepening your bonds with the people you care about. And if the quality of connection in your life is high, flex your social muscles by enjoying and sustaining your relationships.”
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Much is said about the low levels of employee engagement in the workplace. What role does social health play in that anemic engagement?
Killam says employees who have a best friend at work are seven times more likely to be engaged, whereas lonely employees are more likely to take sick days or quit. “Given how much time we spend working over the course of our lives, feeling connected at work (or not) will have an outsized effect on your day-to-day and long-term social health,” she says. “In turn, your social health influences how productive, motivated, and happy you are in your job—and in your life.”
How does the “busyness” epidemic affect people’s social health?
Killam says busyness is a barrier to social health “because it’s easy to get caught up in work deadlines and urgent tasks, while letting our relationships fall to the wayside and assuming the people we love will always be there. In fact, being socially healthy requires prioritizing and continually nurturing our connections.” The good news, Killam says, is that many studies show that even simple gestures of outreach that don’t take much time can be effective. So, with intention, you can be socially healthy even when busy.”
The main takeaway, Killam says, is that your social health is as important as your physical and mental health. By being intentional about connection in your life, you will reap benefits for your health and wellbeing—while also benefiting the people you connect with. “That’s what makes social health so special,” she says. “It’s a gift not only to you, but also to the world.”
