DAN DA DAN ‒ Episode 10

Here is yet another testament to the sheer, overwhelming force of Dan Da Dan‘s power: It’s called “Have You Ever Seen a Cattle Mutilation?”, which is another title worthy of a Hall of Fame nomination, and the UFO/cattle shenanigans aren’t even the best freakin’ part. It’s the first half of the episode that earns that title: Nearly all of it takes place in a single room. It features not one bit of spooky or science-fictional nonsense for the team to deal with, and it’s maybe the funniest episode of television I’ve watched all year.

We knew there was going to be a fallout based on the very compromising positions that our heroes found themselves in at the end of last week’s adventure, and it is only typical for Dan Da Dan‘s insane reality that the fallout exists almost entirely within our characters heads. The kids get chewed out by their school’s sexy BDSM nurse, but she can barely be bothered to ask the kids why they were found stark naked and sopping wet in the middle of the school hallways before she has to excuse herself for an intense punishment date between her and some nebbish teacher’s raw backside. When you stop to consider that this nurse and Momo’s grandmother are the only two authority figures that seem to exist in this world, it is a miracle that more kids haven’t been murdered by ghosts and aliens so far.

I also have to give a special shout-out to Momo’s friends, Miko and Muko, who arrive after the kids (mostly) finish freaking out about their new reputations as the school’s resident perverts to perform a Knives Out-style breakdown of the whole mystery. Not only is it very funny that their ultimate conclusion is almost entirely accurate – save for the whole “naked gladiator duel over Okarun’s heart” thing – but this is yet another sequence that is served well by Dan Da Dan‘s incredible English dub. It’s gotten to the point where I basically need to watch every episode twice, as I dare not miss out on some of these incredible line readings. The fact that all of our gyaru characters are played like punk-ass West Coast Valley girls is just so perfect.

None of that really matters, though. It can’t! At least, not when we’ve got that scene where Okarun finally reveals that he was working out behind the school to impress Momo, and Momo responds by teasing him over his obvious crush…until they realize how intimate and flirty the whole situation is. Those of you who have followed my reviews for a while will know by now that sincere, funny, expertly crafted romance is the lifeblood that fuels my existence, and folks, let me tell you: This one episode of Dan Da Dan is enough to keep me going for the next seven years straight.

Of course, this wouldn’t be Dan Da Dan if the group didn’t encounter at least one insane abomination that spits in the face of all known science, but this week, we learn that the Mantis Shrimp Guy from the Nessie battle is an adorable and devoted dad who is just trying to gig-work his way to being able to pay for his sick son’s necessary blood transfusions. You are absolutely not allowed to burst out laughing when MSG solemnly tells the gang, “Whenever my son poops or pees, he loses all of his blood.” No, it does not matter if that’s the funniest string of words ever uttered by a humanoid crustacean monstrosity from a Japanese cartoon about magical golden testicles! What the hell is wrong with you!?

Anyways, while all of you immature jokesters are out there snickering at this poor alien’s dire medical situation, I’ll be over here appreciating how Dan Da Dan gave its characters a paranatural problem to think their way out of, instead of just exploding it with their magical powers. It’s a gorgeously animated and heartwarming little breather after the weeks of nonstop action and drama we’ve gotten. The only thing that could make it better is if a handsome and mysterious boy from Momo’s past showed up at the last minute to throw a wrench into Okarun and Momo’s blossoming romance and turn this story into a psychotic love polyhedron.

Oh, shit, Jiji’s here!? Hell yeah, Dan Da Dan. It’s like you read my mind.

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DAN DA DAN is currently streaming on
Crunchyroll and Netflix.

James is a writer with many thoughts and feelings about anime and other pop-culture, which can also be found on Twitter, his blog, and his podcast.