Depression, sad man crying sitting in a cage in the brain
As a financial coach and consultant, I provide education around the intersection of money and mental health from the position of an expert. My expertise however doesn’t make me immune to the very things I discuss such as:
- Financial stress;
- Financial anxiety;
- And Financial trauma.
Experiencing these things is as normal as breathing and in many ways by using stories from my own experiences I’m able to connect the dots for my audiences through relatability and demystifying the complex relationship between money and our associated emotions. In a Youtube short I reflect on how I recently realized that I still have limiting beliefs about money. Those limiting beliefs started in childhood and I convinced myself that those beliefs were associated with my personality and preferences related to spending, saving, and investing in adulthood. I share that I set the bar low for what I desired financially in order to protect myself from the disappointment of not being able to have it. In adulthood this turned into embracing frugality as a character trait and a mark of good financial habits, often opting for the less expensive item or experience while subconsciously maintaining the habit of protecting myself from disappointment or fear of being wasteful of resources. It goes to show that you cannot outearn your limiting beliefs or financial traumas, but that you have to overcover and address them head-on.
The Emotional Connection To Money
Unpacking your limiting beliefs about money can be an emotional undertaking. It’s important to acknowledge your safety both physically and mentally as you pull back the layers of observations, experiences, and internalized lessons about money that no longer serve you. Your emotions whether anger, frustration, guilt, or fear are valid and should be acknowledged rather than dismissed. Make no apologies for how you feel and take time to reflect on the present moment rather than what has happened in the past or worrying about what’s to come in the future. For those who have escaped sustained poverty or financial hardship, it can be tempting to fall into a pattern of waiting for the next financial challenge or expecting something bad to happen based on previous experiences or traumas. Some people are so tainted by their previous experiences with money that having a lack of financial struggles scares them into creating a new struggle because they aren’t used to a life free of financial chaos.
The Fear Of Abundance
Achieving financial success can create a paradox of sorts as the associated challenges, expectations, and behaviors you’ll need to leave behind create an air of unfamiliarity and lack of acceptance related to your new reality. Thoughts like “nothing can be this good” and dealing with the fear of losing it all are not uncommon in first-generation trailblazers who may also carry the burden of making sure members of their family, friends, and community are taken care of financially. The concept of establishing firm financial boundaries might be foreign while the individual wrestles with guilt based on internalized cultural norms, values, expectations, or feelings of survivor’s remorse.
The Never Ending Work Ethic
Some people have been working for as long as they were legally able to and then some, never getting to experience the luxury of not having a job or taking the opportunity to develop or figure out a true passion. That work ethic often becomes a character trait that can push people beyond the limits of their physical well-being resulting in health challenges, decreased life span, and loneliness. Limiting beliefs about money make it hard to imagine a life without working as high levels of income often correlate with high levels of expenses. These expenses can include personal or familial expenses where multiple parties are dependent on the income of the individual. This can magnify feelings of anxiety related to something bad happening financially even when things seem good or under control.
Creating A Safe Space
It’s important to create a safe and supportive environment as you examine the limiting beliefs you have about money. Understand that certain things will trigger you to revert to a behavior or reaction that doesn’t align with your current reality as you achieve greater financial success. It is important not only to manage your expectations but also to create a strategy for dealing with those triggers appropriately. Building a community of like-minded individuals, establishing and reinforcing boundaries, working with a qualified coach, and financial therapist, or financial counselor are all ways that can help you to navigate the feelings and emotions that may surface while also helping you to remain accountable to the goals and positive behaviors you establish for yourself.
