Mabel Yiu is Founding Director of Women’s Therapy Institute.
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The first time I stood in front of a room of active-duty military men in camouflage, I felt one of the strongest waves of imposter syndrome I had ever experienced. I had worked with veterans before, but this was different. My previous work with veterans was usually one-on-one, out of uniform. This was about a hundred uniformed men and a few uniformed women, trained to be stoic warriors.
My company is Women’s Therapy Institute, and I have spent years working in women’s mental health. So, when I walked in as a woman who had never been in the military, the mismatch was silent and immediate.
Mind The Confidence Gap
I instantly thought, “I’m in the wrong room.” My credentials suddenly felt beside the point, and a quieter voice followed, “They’re going to figure out I don’t belong here.” People often call that imposter syndrome, but I’ve never liked the phrase because it implies you’re faking it. I think of it more as a confidence gap: the feeling you get when you’re doing something you haven’t done before. It doesn’t mean you’re unqualified. It means you’re standing at the edge of a new version of yourself.
Qualifications get you in the room, but you still have to step into the moment. Without that confidence gap, there’s no growth. So when a client tells me they feel like an imposter in a new job, role or stage of leadership, I often tell them, “You are growing.”
In that room, I didn’t feel like I belonged. But I knew I didn’t have to belong to be purposeful.
When The Mismatch Is Seen
Midway through the presentation, I realized the company name was still sitting at the bottom of every slide. There I was, standing in front of military men in camouflage, delivering Resiliency Training under the banner of Women’s Therapy Institute. It could not be unseen. The soldiers were cordial, but their eyes and facial expressions silently said what no one would say out loud, “Whiskey Tango Foxtrot.”
That moment became the real test of whether I could stay steady when everything in me wanted to prove, defend or disappear. Sometimes the most important moment is not the moment you win the room. It is the moment you decide not to abandon yourself inside it.
Hold The Fort
In that room, I realized there was nothing I could say to prove I belonged there. I could talk about my experience, staff, qualifications and reasons we were there, but none of that would instantly change what they were thinking. That is a leadership lesson I have carried with me. Sometimes you step into a room completely outside your expectations, comfort zone or realm. You are supposed to say, “We can help,” while inside you may be thinking, “What am I doing here?”
In those moments, leadership isn’t grand. It isn’t bravado. It isn’t peacock energy. Just breathe. Keep going. Hold the fort. People may judge, but you have to be willing to accept it and stay present enough for the work to speak.
Trust Is Often Built In Private
When you’re standing in an unfamiliar room, the instinct is to chase trust before it disappears. But trust doesn’t work that way. Trust is slow. Trust is earned. And sometimes the fastest way to lose trust is to chase it.
In a group setting, people tend to go with the group. In that room, nobody moved a hair. With their commanding officers in the room, no one was going to be the first to show vulnerability.
Later, one soldier reached out privately. He wanted to work through some hard stuff. I didn’t know until much later that he was considered one of the toughest guys in the squadron—well respected, the guy who would jump into the first mission whenever possible. When he started coming to us, slowly, the other guys came, too.
That is how trust is built. Not all at once, and not in front of an audience. One person at a time, in private, where the masks can come off.
Evolve Without Chasing Belonging
That experience taught me something about a tension many leaders face. We want the business. We want people to like us. We want to belong in the room. But there is a difference between changing yourself to be accepted and evolving because you’ve learned something.
Honestly, I had tried the first kind. We called the program “Resiliency Training” so it wouldn’t sound like therapy, hoping to get past the stigma. Then the slide gave us away, and the guys came anyway, because of the work, not the label.
The real lesson was that our mission was bigger than the name we started with. Women’s Therapy Institute is still at the heart of what we do, but that room showed me that supporting women also means supporting the people in their lives: their husbands, fathers, sons and partners. That’s why we launched Well Together, a new branch built to serve them.
Stay Steady Long Enough For Trust To Begin
That day in that room, I didn’t belong, and I didn’t pretend to. I did not earn trust by becoming someone else. I did not win them over with a perfect pitch. I stood there, breathed through the discomfort, showed up steadily and kept moving forward.
Sometimes a confidence gap doesn’t mean you are in the wrong room. It means you are standing at the edge of your own growth. First impressions matter, but sometimes credibility is not won in the room. It is tested later, privately, when no one is performing and trust finally has enough space to begin.
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